Join the Conspiracy!
Did you know that Communist Fanzines are polluting our precious skiffy fluids? IT'S TRUE! THEY don't want you to know about it, because THEY'RE the ones calling the shots! And you know who THEY are: The members of the Conspiracy! The Insiders! The Greys! The Elders of Zion! BATF! The Illuminati! The Satanic Cults! KAOS! The Biltbergers! The Moonies! The KGB! (You thought they were dead? Ha! YOU FOOLISH DUPE!) The Freemasons! The UN! W.A.S.T.E.! The Vatican! The Organ Leggers! Microsoft! The Triads! NPR! The Temple of Set! The Democratic Leadership Council! Sendero Luminosa! The Knights of Malta! The Trilateral Commission! The Seven-Headed Beast! The Mafia! The Brookings Institute! Snoop Doggy-Dog! TV Guide! The Amish! THEY'RE ALL OUT TO STEAL OUR HUGOS!
But we're not going to take this lying down! We've got a conspiracy of our own, right here in Nova City! You can stop the Satanic Communist Conspiracy dead in its stinking-of-brimstone hooftracks by joining the Nova-Express-for-Best-Fanzine-Hugo-in-1997 crusade! Yeee-hah! Nova Express is the fanzine that walks like a semi-prozine, before which all Godless Communist Hugo stealers flee in terror! With its wry humor, cutting-edge focus, and legible printing, Nova Express is a wooden stake pounded into the dark heart of The Conspiracy's media-fandom beast!
But Nova Express can't do it alone!
THE CONSPIRACY lurks around every corner, disrupting our e-mail, driving up paper costs, and beaming mime-control rays into our headquarters to force us into making typos! We've got tinfoil on the windows, magic charms on the roof, and a healing Elvis poster on the wall, but it's just not enough! We need your help!
Thanks to your generous donations, we've been able to wrestle the conspiracy's evil minions to the mat, but unless we get more subscriptions, we won't be able to hold them down for the count! Show them you mean business! Buy a subscription to Nova Express, and buy all your friends subscriptions! Join the 1997 Worldcon in San Antonio, and nominate and vote for the Hugo Awards! (Details at http://www.io.com/~lsc2/) With your help (and that of Elvis, and "Bob"), we can turn back the savage, Hugo-stealing hordes, and restore freedom and democracy to the land! GOD BLESS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!
o Yes! I want to help stop the conspiracy dead in its tracks! Here's my $12 (U.S.) $16 (Canada & Mexico) $22 (Worldwide) to bring me four issues of great reading material and help Nova Express win the 1997 Hugo Award for Best Fanzine!
o No! Relax, comrade. There is no conspiracy. Everything is fine. Your phones are not tapped. TV programs are great. Books are evil. The government is here to help you. Just relax... relax... relax... you are getting very sleepy...
Send to:
Nova Express
P.O. Box 27231
Austin, TX 78755-2231